Moments before reality starts there is a comfort in sleep. Your recharging time. Your escape to a world of your dreams. In That changeover you kno what to expect or at least what you want when your eyes open. Most of your life it’s a empty space.
What makes you comfortable? The freedom of not being bothered having your own space. No one to interfere with your process of starting your right now your day or night no worries of disturbing someone else’s rest or them reaching for you not to go. No alarms that are not yours or your alarm that they despise. No getting use to someones sleeping habits tossing and turning slaps to the face cold feet kicks talking in their sleep snoring taking the covers to their self pushing you to the edge where you must balance and hold on while trying to sleep and not wakeup on the floor.
Dreams for me are a reality a fully functional world that I had no idea on how I arrived to that place. No flying no falling. Just people smells tastes sounds…. No tru sense of touch but a warm feeling of closeness when the dreams are “involved”. There always comes a point in my dreams where I notice that I have not blinked….. Damn I’m dreaming….. Can I remember where I went to sleep what’s waiting for me on the other side is it better than what’s going on in this reality? What is that sound it seems familiar it sounds so faint where is it coming from? It sounds like one of my alarms. Damn all I have to do is blink and I can be there. That’s the music from my alarm I have set for this time I don’t need to try to blink just yet. So a few hours go by in my dream state and the next music starts to play well it’s not 7:30am the super Mario theme did not play yet but I should get up. Come on blink I have to blink look for the music I hear it. It’s behind me. Turn my head then I blink & my eyes open to empty space…..
One memory of times when that space was filled were those times when football was younger…. Before he could talk he would lay there and play with my face until I opened my eyes then he would smile and giggle. As time would go on with his little voice he would say goodmornink dadie waiting for the ok for him to get up to go play. As he got older the second my eyes would open he would jump on me with a hug bigger than life followed by goodmornink I love you. Now football sleeps elsewhere and will still come give me a hug and goodmornink but just to ask for permission to play or watch tv and he’s calculated saying he did not want to bother me before a certain time. My midget rocks!
There have been some shared moments where that empty space was occupied. What was the purpose of having them there to fill a void or a byproduct of the events from the night before. Did I want them there? Did they earn enough brownie points? Do I want this for ever? Does this warm body next to me fill that empty space? Do the cuddles kisses spooning give a tru definition of this is what I want? Can I deal with them if they snore or when they are sick or when they can’t sleep or when they are not my favorite person at that time….. Will I care if they wake up with a deep scratchy voice or their morning breath feels like a punch in the face.
Few times waking up to someone was fulfilling. When all of that feels right every time you don’t want that to end & want to begin every day sharing that space. The only thing is do they want the same…. How do you find out?
September 17 2011 I asked that four word question to end waking up to a empty space……
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