is it me or is it you?

is it me or is it you?

that is the best question to be asked when trying to figure out what a relationship is or should be… but thats not the question i ask… i ask what am i doing wrong?

nothing….

but wait how could that be? you are still single…?

so…

but don’t you want to be with someone?

that would be cool

so why not make the effort to make them your girlfriend or better yet your wife?

its not that easy…

i think it should be if 2 people are in love. right?

you would think so. within all of the relationships that i have been in growth within my self has been the biggest achievements that i take from them well besides my son but i was just a kid then. i tend to look for routine in my relationships when that stops i wonder whats wrong. how can i help. or is it me… i now tend to focus on the its me part because its the only thing that i can control.
a question was asked to me recently what happened in your other relationships for them to end. well my answer started to be an explanation of why my most recent relationship fizzled.
in the middle of talking i was reminded of my over explanation of things. so i thought of every other relationship of substance and that seemed to be it. i think that i am simple to deal with but i am not. i give long detailed explanations to questions asked of me when they are not wanted. if there’s a problem i want to talk about things in depth to make sure that we are in total understanding of why instead of guess work leading to further misunderstanding.

so what are you going to change in the future?

i don’t kno what i should change. i give full attention to the one that i am interested in. i listen. im giving. caring loving and compassionate. i make time out of my day whenever requested and offer more when i am free. i am driven and motivated for things in my life and the same for my significant other. i have learned how to treat my woman like a queen, never to yell at her or treat her as if she is second to me because she is my support and i am hers. her battles are mine to take on…….. unless those battles are against me

if you are doing all of these things why would she be against you?

no clue… well actually i do. it must be that i pour out my love to thick. it must be smothering. a relationship back in 2008 my time was limited i lived far and trained even farther away and our face to face time was limited to the weekends it was constant communication via text and phone calls while getting to kno each other. that took a tough toll on the relationship when the scale was unbalanced with the free time and neglection set in and crumbled things. so that made me think i should work harder in my next relationship for more face time and effort for dating but a similar situation of busy on both parts got us into a routine but it was something that we liked and made the best out of the time we had together. we both started talking marriage and a future together so as time went on i felt why not and proposed….. that was the turning point where her reality kicked in. one of the major issues we had and i had in previous relationships was me not following the same religion as them. so with her she started to become distant talking less because of fear that she was going to be controlled. from all of that i am more

sorry about that i had to take that call

if you don’t mind me asking who was that

my brother 31

what did he say you seem different more invigorated than when we started

one it was a surprise random call. then i told him what’s up and how i’m feeling and he went into for me to stop going backwards even if things seem different. its not me in the situation its broken bitches that dont kno how to deal with change so its scary to them and i should have know this by now. also mentioned a retraction that i have heard from many that i need a white girl in my life but thats not the case. more so that i need someone with a open mind that is not stifled by their environment, upbringing, or the friends they keep even when they talk day in and day out about change but never make one….

so did that give you a sense of empowerment and no need to change?
more like you are on the correct path on how you approach relationships?

it is always room to change and advance myself to become better. not to just talk about it but actually do what i say i am going to do… i pride myself on being a man of my word not wishy washy because if i can’t look myself in the mirror how can i look my son in the eyes and tell him to be strong. for future relationships its a must to take things slow to make sure you have that person and that persons energy about you shines bright so that everyone that they come in contact with from children to family and friends will kno that this is right and not question anything. or trying to fit a mold thats broken knowing all that i bring to the table. i don’t tiptoe around issues and i am not one to bite my tongue when the time is right.

im not going to conform why should i? i’m different, agnostic, pro fighter, loving, dedicated man that does not look at things based on race why do you? i guess you would rather have things remain the same. im not a product of my environment i make my environment my product!

was that directed at me?

no more so a frustration dump. it has been times where i would lash out go on a rampage act the asshole fuck a bunch of females it gets you no where but a empty feeling not trying to go that route again because i feel like i am becoming who i do not want to be….

unfortunately i don’t have anymore time to explain its time to go train i have a fight coming up and need to get my mind back on track for that

#ir62