i look around and there is motionless chaos. nothing seems right. is it all in my mind?

 

a few weeks ago my heart hurt. i could not see beauty. was that all in my mind too?

 

what do i make of things… how do i exprese myself do i stay the logical cold loving crazy lulacris person or let my emotions of desire entertain my destruction of a simple life.

 

there is a balance that i have obtained in the past by myself that is a lonley balance. made choices to open up and shift the mid point on the scale to accommodate a shared life. a starting point. a foundation.

 

now there is no balance the scale is still off… do i close up shop or reach out my hand to help her back on… does she want to be on… i cant worry about that…

 

where am i:

 

in a cloud… its seems so dense that i cant see through but its my support system… my team… they always back me up no matter what… i am greatful for them… they give me the passion and drive to continue and excel… i tough so many lives in my 31 years on this little blue dot and wonder what i can do in another 31years… one thing i hope to see is how things truly clear in hindsight…

 

whats my purpose:

 

the easy answer is to be a man….. most cant understand that because they cant define what a man is.. its not just because u are over 18years old.. its much more than that…

 

when i look at my self in the mirror i see a man still developing and getting sharper at his crafts that include being the best at being a: family man, father, friend, fighter, photographer, lover, conversationlist, husband, brother, motivator, peacekeeper, support, trainer, son, uncle, godfather, mentor, foundation, worker, organizer, spritual guide, ME……

 

whats the next goal:

 

my next goal…… hmmmm thats unclear at this point…. my most recent was to sustain a friendship into a relationship into a marrage & the second was to be 230lbs by the second week in november… i am close to the second just a day of sweating and im there…. the other tears were flowing but that got things no where except that real men do cry…

 

fighting has become more of a distraction from the real world… i love it it keeps me balanced knowing that it can all be over in just seconds… it makes me appreciate life to the fullest… the volume on the bs in the world just gets turned down there is nothing to complain about it can always get worse but then it gets better…. thats fighting…. thats life

 

to answer things i have to just keep looking in the mirror and make sure that i am getting better and not becoming stagnant with my development

 

why does it matter:

 

to you it may not… but to many it does… i carry many on my back and many hold me up to support the load… the load of life must be balanced… i must keep mine on track… because it matters to me

 

 

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