For the greater portion of my life I have been in the role of the protector in some way or fashion. Protecting friends family females clients or patrons…..

Friends and family are easy. You tend to receive all they are capable of giving it seems to be enough for your basic issues or support in tough times.

As a bouncer it was my duty to protect my co workers the patrons of the establishment & the establishment it’s self. There are tough choices that are needed to be made but you had to stick with them for the greater good of what it is that you are protecting. There is little emotion set in this form or protection but you can get emotional for things not going according to plan be it theft injury or loss I life…. In but a moment all of that can be washed away because you have a job as the protector to continue with.

The hardest thing I have in countered has been feeling protected my self. I have hundreds that will go to war for me but I don’t feel that protection. It’s not the protection in a physical sence more so of the heart. A place where you can share your deepest thoughts, desires, pain, goals, & dreams. A place where you do not have to be on top of things. A place where you can ‘let your hair down’. A place where you can be held. A place where you can cry. A place where you can be honored as a king just because you are. I have out my heart on the line a few times looking for that feeling.

Am I chasing the white rabbit never to Cacth it?

No relationship has ever given me that sensation. It’s always hurdles to get over from religious views , health, fitness, time spent, financial issues, them trying to figure out who they are and what they actually want out of life but not making a change.

I always find myself giving support cheering loving with minimal return at all. No support or concern of what’s on my mind how was my day what happened during training. Maybe those things are what I care about and would think that if someone is into me they would want to be in the kno.

I am very complex & sometimes confusing but if you kno and understand my heart you will get me.

It’s strangest thing is when u here that a man usually go for some one like their mother. Maybe that’s my mistake wanting someone strong that can fight through anything that’s put in front of her. I have not done that in my dating career. It has been the broken wearing the illusion of being a strong woman so when I show what I have to offer they gravitate to me for all I do with my family my son my brothers my team & want that in their life. Someone that figured themselves out.

I am a son grandson nephew brother father friend fighter mentor grinder and becoming aware that I inspire

All that’s missing is being a husband to a wife that is my lover my friend my confidant my inspiration my my checks & balances my arms to cry in my support when I feel like I can’t keep going my eye candy my queen….

My Protector

17 thoughts on “The protector

  1. Wow, I’m in complete aw of what I just have read. Thank you for sharing a little bit more of who you really are. It is not wrong to want a female version of you, your Queen Protector., never compromise who or what you want. In it’s good time real True Love shall find You, as oppose to you finding your Queen. Be patient, for I am more than sure The Queen is looking for her King to Protect him from it All..

  2. Amazed as usual, and sad as well. This is one of the things in life that mistifies me. You are truly by far one of the most incredible people I know. You light up a room and are magnetic, people want to be around you. So how do you not have the most amazing women by your side? I really do believe that you should never, ever settle. You are a gift to be around, don’t give it away to Anyone undeserving. Your queen is out there and she will be so lucky when she meets you.

  3. That was beautiful. You are not alone. Trust me there’s so many of us in the same situation and as we get older it hits us harder but know we’re never to old for anything. Everything happens for a reason and if its not meant for us now or even ever than its not just because we are that uniquely different. Just keep loving life and not compare to what others have (marriage etc). Be happy. Thanks for sharing, it was very nice. G’luck Protector 😉

  4. Wow…this was moving…I’m glad I read this from start to finish…God is not done with you, so he has gave you many things, and soon when your ready through his will, he will bless you with a fine woman that will be an added bonus in you and your sons lives..its not that you havent found her,she is the one who hasnt found you both..God let the ones that are not worthy just by pass you both..Kudo’s brother…

  5. This was a beautiful, open & honest testimony; one that I myself unfortunately am no stranger too.. What I have learned that to obtain that level of safe place protection one has to be vulnerable enough to share it with someone… By that I mean in your day to day life u r playing the role of protector therefore ur experiences reflect such… Take a chance on someone like u did her with your post & let them know what u desire & need… Whether it be from that person or not You will obtain it but first u must ask for it… Uncomfortable yes but worth it… She is prob right in your face… grt piece..

  6. Thank you for sharing. Just know that you are not alone in your journey to find your life partner. We live in a society where everyone is so busy climbing, that rarely they stop to enjoy their gifts with others. Keep your eyes and heart open. I am a try believer of “There is someone for everyone.” Tanya

  7. Very powerful. the relationship between you and your son prove you know how to love and of course your love of your family so no compromise needed until ms right comes along stay perfectly you. thank you for sharing.

  8. It takes a real man to write something like this. Know that .. There is a woman out there looking for someone like you and she is yours. She will be what you are to others and more. Thank you for sharing this

  9. Dude, the white rabbit is or there and you will catch it! Just keep being you! Maybe she’s too busy (right more) being a mother sister daughter niece aunt,etc. When she comes, you’ll know and our will be awesomely epic, lol. I’m a little tipsy right now but you get what I mean, right?!

  10. Sometimes, its just a fact of life that one will always be a giver. Nobody wants to speak that truth. Not everyone has the true power to be that person you are speaking of. Very often, people that are “GIVERS” will always attract “takers.” I dont even mean that in a bad way, cuz some takers certainly do give back. and give back very well. But they just dont have the power to consistently be THAT good.

    It is entirely possible and even likely that superman will never find superwoman. And really deep down, in some weird twist, he doesnt need to. Because superman aint all that super around superwoman.

    Just my take. But I certainly relate to what you are saying.

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